Why Don’t You Get A Job?

 Why Don’t You Get A Job?

Marina Y Sanchez
Freelance Columnist

It’s natural and almost the norm for people to complain and even dislike their job. Some people hate being secretaries and can tell stories of all the times they are taken advantage of. Others feel they are disrespected, or that that’s not what they want to do for the rest of their lives.

Good jobs are hard to come by in this economy. Yet there are some job titles that would discourage even the most desperate of the unemployed or the most anxious to break free from their current ball and chain of a job. Don’t believe me?

Here are a few examples of actual positions waiting to be filled.

Chick Sexer

You can have a job and still be a player with the chicks. However, it’s not as glamorous as one might think. And if you feel you can spend all day sexing then this is the job for you.  

Chick sexing is the method of distinguishing the sex of chicken and other hatchlings, usually by a trained person called a chick sexer or chicken sexer.

Why would this be important? So they can know which sex to make into McNuggets? Normally this is practiced by large commercial hatcheries. There are different feedings for the females who destined to lay eggs for commercial sale and for the males who will culled (a nice word for slaughtered) since are not needed for egg  production.

Alright. I can see your not interested. Feeling up chicks is not your forte? I have more.

Best Boy

It sounds like a best man alternative for your wedding, but this field could be your ticket to a behind-the-scenes job in Hollywood. 

In a film crew there are two kinds of best boy: best boy electric and best boy grip. They are assistants to their department heads, the gaffer and the key grip, respectively.

Best boys are responsible for the daily running of the lighting or grip department. Their many responsibilities include the hiring and scheduling of crew, the ordering and returning of lighting or grip equipment, workplace safety, time cards, expendables, loading production trucks, planning and implementing the lighting or rigging of locations and/or sound stages, coordinating rigging crews and additional photography units (if applicable), handling relations with the other production departments, overseeing the application of union rules (where relevant), and serving as the day-to-day representative of the department with the unit production manager and coordinator of the film.

Hmm, this actual sounds like a secretary, payroll, human resources and maintenance man all in one shot.


Bacon Skin Lifter

I don’t know about you but this job had me at bacon.

To be frank, a bacon skin lifter cuts slits in the flank end of bacon slab between the meat and the skin, using a knife, so that the slab may be inserted into a derinding machine.

This brings a all new view on bringing home the bacon. Wait, do they let you take bacon home? Do the employees get a “cut” of the bacon?

These are the questions that should be asked!

Pet Food Taster

It makes sense t hat someone has to taste the pet food. Your pet can’t tell you if it’s good or not. Unless you have a “special” pet. That’s not the point. Someone has to taste the food especially when the commercials claim that “it tastes great”. This is where you come in.

First off, be prepared to evaluate all sorts of factors such as texture and consistency, in addition to taste, of course.  While this may not be the most glamorous job in the world, at least it will allow you to feel closer to your pet. Or end up loving pet food. Fancy feast anyone?

However, before you laugh this job away, pet food tasters pull down an average of $40,000 according to simplyhired.com.  Hungry yet?

Golf Ball Diver

 Missing some adventure, some danger? Apply for a golf ball diver.

If you are really ambitious, you could become Tiger Woods’s personal diver. Whenever he loses a ball, you can retrieve it for him.

Now just wait a second there. This is not for the faint at heart for you will be diving in limited visibility, but the challenge is like hunting mushrooms or looking for Easter Eggs when you were a child. And for the ultimate rush try diving in Florida where gators frequent the grassy waters!

Bat Cave Scavenger

Interested in working with wild life?

With this job, you can enter into bat caves looking for guano to collect for examination.

Oh joy.

You will assist in monitoring and rehabilitating bats. Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth.

Apparently this jpb will make you flithy rich. I believe the filthy part.

At least none of these involved a stripper pole, am I right? It might not be exactly pleasant but you never know. One of these job may be your cup of tea. You might like molesting baby chicks. Please don’t call me Peta.

I am applying for bacon skin lifter now!

This entry was posted in Blogging, Careers, Comedy, Funny, Humor, Jobs, Opinion, Sarcasm and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Why Don’t You Get A Job?

  1. Thypolar says:

    Holy crap! Ok so I wouldn’t mind having the title of “Chick sexer” because that sounds kinda hot but I wouldn’t want the task of feeling up chickens. That’s just me. Now, do you think I could get the title changed from “best boy” to “best chick”? If so I’d take that job too 😉 (just for the title, of course).
    If I would get a cut of the bacon (as you suggested) I’d take that job but the pet food taster and the bat cave scavenger will have to be filled by someone else.

  2. laura says:

    Or people cam apply for my old job, Customer Service Rep for Miller/Coors. If they can handle surly lushes yelling at you cuz Albertsons ran out of Milwaukee’s Best Light, (“May God have mercy for what you’ve done!”), then this is the job for you!!

  3. fnkybee says:

    I watched the chicken sexer episode on dirty jobs. Not cool man.

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